Irresponsible dad allows sick 3-year-old with a 7:30 bedtime to stay up until 9, sobs inconsolably from 8-10 before finally falling asleep: 'I told him I wasn't going to deal with that mess'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Sep 27, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

As someone who has watched copious amounts of Supernanny, I know that a child's routine is the most crucial thing in ensuring the peace of the whole family. For adults, it might not matter if we go to bed at 10 PM on Monday, 1 AM on Tuesday, and midnight on Wednesday, but for kids, that kind of inconsistent schedule will give them nothing but problems. Kids can't create a disciplined routine and follow it on their own: they need their parents to control when they go to bed, when they leave for school, when they do their homework, and when they eat dinner, and they thrive when that is consistent every day. You would think that deviating from the schedule once won't hurt them, but a toddler going to bed one and a half hours too late can create all kinds of h*** for the parents who let that happen.

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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for making my husband get our 3 year old to sleep because he was the one that promised she can stay up late
    via u/aitatoddlerbedtime
  • 03
    My husband and I have 2 and 3 year old daughters. Our 3 year old is suspected to have autism and we're waiting on an evaluation, but we're all pretty sure she has it. Our 3 year old also has pink eye. Last night at dinner, my husband promised the 3 year old that she can stay up late since she's not going to preschool today. I asked how late and he said 9. Bedtime is at 7:30. I told him I wasn't going to deal with that mess and if he wants to let her stay up that late he can be the one to get her
    via u/aitatoddlerbedtime
  • 04
    I got the little one in bed and watched my husband play with her while I cleaned up. Tantrums started at 8 and she was miserable when he got her in the bath at 8:45. She was melting down in the bath, then in bed, and he eventually gave her the pacifier (we've been trying to wean her off) and brought her to our bed at 9:45. She finally fell asleep at 10 and my husband told me he's upset with me for leaving him to do everything by himself even when I knew they were having a hard time. I told him I
    via u/aitatoddlerbedtime
  • 05
    Remote-Passenger7880 NTA. You were extremely clear that he would be doing this solo. He made his choice knowing the consequences it would have. It is not your job to clean up the messes he chooses to make. Is he so checked out of the family that he doesnt realize the impact deviating from routine would have? Honestly, this would bother me on such deep levels. Why are you the default parent? And if you're the default parent, why isn't he talking to you before making commitments he can't keep to y
    via u/Remote-Passenger7880
  • 06
    aitatoddlerbedtime OP He actually didn't know the consequences when he promised our 3 year old because I found out at the same time as her. He didn't give me an opportunity to warn him. He's a very involved dad, just a little clueless sometimes since our kids are the only kids he's ever been around.
    via u/aitatoddlerbedtime
  • 07
    CymruB Chalk this up as I life lesson for him. NTA
    via u/CymruB
  • 08
    Tamihera Good for you. My husband used to let our preschooler stay up late as a treat, and then I'd wind up dealing with an exhausted hot mess of a kid all the next day (because the kid NEVER slept in.) Writing checks that Mommy has to cash so you can be the Fun Dad is not OK, and hopefully your husband worked that out tonight.
    via u/Tamihera
  • 09
    chickens_for_fun I don't know any 3 year olds who can read a clock. So he could at any time have told her that it was 9 o'clock now.
    via u/chickens_for_fun
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    liluyvene I think their comment was pointing out that you are the default parent because why do you know this about her routine and he doesn't? You wouldn't have to warn him if he was more involved.
    via u/liluyvene
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    aitatoddlerbedtime OP I'm also a preschool teacher, studying child development, and I've been working with kids since I was 12. He's never met a baby or toddler before we had kids. I don't completely blame him for not knowing. We all have to figure it out at some point.
    via u/aitatoddlerbedtime
  • 12
    MonteBurns He's had 3 years. Stop making excuses for him. He should know by now.
    via u/MonteBurns
  • 13
    Thin-Fan8771 NTA. You should do this every time he tries to deviate from the routine and rope you into it.
    via u/Thin-Fan8771
  • 14
    aitatoddlerbedtime OP Oh he's not deviating from the routine again.
    via u/aitatoddlerbedtime
  • 15
    KT180x NTA. Don't try to be the 'fun parent' if you can't back it up and deal with whatever comes with it. You can't pass off dealing with the outcome of your actions onto someone else, predictably particularly the exact person who knew it was a bad idea. Also, I would wager you've put your children to bed without help countless times and didn't whinge about it, but happy to be wrong on that!
    via u/KT180x
  • 16
    bunnywasabi This! Also OP is NTA. My son is autistic and have ADHD too. Often when he gets too excited he'll stay bouncy and takes him longer to sleep. So I learned to have routine of back rub and cuddle and calm talk about what happened today before he goes to bed. My partner loved to play with him before bed which Ime off because he wasn't going to be the one who have to tuck him in. So one day when he was still bouncy and active due to the fun games they did right before bed, I just told my p
    via u/bunnywasabi
  • 17
    KT180x Why is it always dads who want to wrestle and tickle right before bed and get them all riled up with energy?! Aaargggghhhh
    via u/KT180x
  • 18
    quidyn ΝΤΑ You told him it was a bad idea. Autistic or not, you need to live and die by routine with a 3 year old.
    via u/quidyn
  • 19
    burmaliana I once heard from afar my husband turning on the TV "just for 5 minutes" for our 3 year old in the morning before going to the daycare. I immediately said he will be the one dealing with consequences if he proceeded. 20 minutes of dealing with a tantrum made it pretty clear to my husband the reasoning for no TV in the weekday morning routine. He didn't complain though, as he knew I'd stand by my word.
    via u/burmaliana

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bed toddler mother toddlers bedtime parenting Meltdown dad sleep sick Reddit mom sleeping Parenting Fail crying Father Parenting FAILS
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